Saddness I feel

Hello everyone how are you doing. I have been better. Well, Sunday I had to go AGAIN to the UAB emergency room because of my itching, while I was in the triage room the nurse was asksing me all kinds of questions like, How bad is your itching? Have you ever had any bad thoughts like injurying yourself? ( You know this itching gets so bad sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself I have never thought of suicide or injurying myself but I do feel very close to going crazy.
I feel like my life is just passing by the emergency room just gives me a adavan shot and 2 adavan pills and this has put me out of sorts for 2 days now. I slept all day on Monday and have been very drowsy today.I thought I was ok yesterday and went to get my medicinea at the pharmacy and here goes my adventure, I backed out of my driveway and went straight through the stop sign without stopping and just kept ridding on the opposite side of the road I was so thankful that no vehicles were coming I was so lucky I made it to the drugstore and back home, later I thought I was ok and took Alex to Mia's and made it ok I guess. Now the sad part is Billy said we need to talk to the doctor about me driving this episode was different because I had all that adavan in me but Billy and the kids all say that I drive somewhat like that without that medicine and just on my butorphanol. This bothers me tremendously because I am so worried don't won't to hurt anyone else and if the doctor is to say I don't need to drive until my transplant when I get off of this medicine then that is exactly what I will do but I hope he doesn't tell me that. I am so tired of being tired and dragging around and I worry about saying the wrong thing, going the wrong way, looking goofy by slurring my words while talking which is happening more often than usual, going to the mall with Billy and him saying "Mary where are you" I know this sounds kinda of funny but this is my life and it is making me feel sad everyday.
Please remember me in your prayers I go and see the the transplant doctor on the 14th of July. Mary